Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
