my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just found puke in my bra..
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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