And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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