I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
