I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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