Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
