Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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