I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my shit smells like andre
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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