What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
