even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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