Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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