if only i could text you this smell
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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