Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
