I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
