Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
