please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have already put on my inside pants.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
