what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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