If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
they're like a gay fantastic four
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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