these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He shit in the fireplace
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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