there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
