4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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