2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
