apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
