If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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