I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
