Christians are straight up FREAKS
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
