Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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