we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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