I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
