I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
