i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i think my mom watched the whole time
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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