I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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