Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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