And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
