I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
