This is not my ceiling
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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