ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
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he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
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I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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