i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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