The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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