U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize