Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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