We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
