I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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