Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think I died a long time ago.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
