I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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