the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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