you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Randomize
