I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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