we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
