oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Drake has all the answers
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
