Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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