I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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