I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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