I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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