He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
