I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
