He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
