When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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