Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
