I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
