I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
