Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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