I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
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