I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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