Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
