return my video game
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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