Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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