Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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