I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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