Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
