yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
