I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
