and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
