The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
