This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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