3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
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Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
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Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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