Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
