Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
