Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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