I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You work out of a Hotel?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
