it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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